The SATs, revealed for their dirty, pornographic ways!

I have decided that the SAT isn't scored well. In fact that's why they are changing the scoring system. This is just what I think it'll look like:

• Way to go! You have done better than all the other ass monkeys taking this test. You are either incredibly white and suburban or some Asian immigrant reaching for the American dream of being white and suburban.
  
• Congrats! You are what we like to call An minority battling for their place in an society that hates them. Guess what? We don't really give a shit... In fact after all this, when you probably have your Masters, people will still hate you and care less about you. You have wasted x [years alive] of your life.
  
• You are Mr./Ms. Average. You will get nowhere in life. You'll probably end up in some generic job doing the same thing everyday for the rest of your life. The most you can expect is to work at a factory. And by factory I mean sweatshop. And not one of those nice ones in America, no, you'll be stuck in one of those nasty ones in 3rd world ones, where your life will be a living hell. You will spend the rest of you life making crappy pants, in which you'll thread "Help me I'm am stuck in a sweatshop making these crappy pants!" and then no one will care.
  
• Below average there are those of you who will be... wow it would be too easy to insult you... firstly you just pissed in your pants. Second, the only way for you to actually succeed is to move to Cuba where the SATs don't fucking matter. Hell... join the sweatshop dude

This is what the SAT should, will look like. And then I shall laugh. It sucks that I am in the last category. If only I was more of a non-Asian minority, my score would be average. Hell I should slip into the African category... I am kinda African.